


A Collection of Whatsits

by AspenLan



Category: Jeeves & Wooster, Jeeves - P. G. Wodehouse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-31
Updated: 2019-07-31
Packaged: 2020-07-27 23:57:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 1,883
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20054668
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AspenLan/pseuds/AspenLan
Summary: A collection of short Jeeves and Wooster inspired words, put together to make this.





	1. That Ruddy Tie

20th February 2019  
[Inspired by Jeeves becoming 'emotional' by Bertie's pal's tie]

"Tell me Jeeves,"

"Sir?"

"Why did you get upset over Bingo's tie? I thought it rather odd if you don't mind me saying so old bean."

Jeeves coughed and faced the young master "I'm sorry sir, I had had a rather unfortunate experience with a previous master, who also wore a horseshoe tie.." 

"Ah I see, one doesn't like to pry Jeeves, but, what was it that was bad?"

"May I be frank sir?"

"Yes of course Jeeves, and help yourself to a brandy and soda whilst you're at it." 

"Thank you Sir, but I shall politely reject the offer. He had come from a wealthy family, I had not long come out of a previous employment by this point, he informed me frequently that he could not see anything in me. I was told many things so I promptly gave my notice."

"Sounds bally rummy Indeed Jeeves." The y. m. stood placing a hand on his Valet's shoulder, feeling him relax a little. "I shall dine out at the drones tonight. You take the evening off." 

"Thank you, Sir." The man seemed to relax considerably as I ankled my way out and headed toward The Drones club.

—

Y. M. - Young master. Things are shortened down to this in the novel and spoken like this too. It's bally weird especially when there's more than one.

B. and S. - Brandy and Soda. This is for future reference. 

W. c. - Wooster Corpus. And many more, it's usually just if I repeat something in the same paragraph, or want to change it up a bit.


	2. Jeeves at Christmas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 23.12.18   
Incomplete collab.   
Collab between @_Laurious (IG) and myself.

"Good-morning, Sir." Jeeves greeted his master with the usual tone, but let it be noted there was a slight chirpy-ness to it. And Wooster being the only one to of noticed Jeeves has feelings, picked up on it almost immediately. 

"Jeeves?"

"Yes, Sir?" He asked placing the tray down on the Chesterfield before standing back up straight again looking down at Bertie, but with a bounce.

"Are you feeling well today Jeeves?" He took a sip of tea from his cup before setting it down back on the tray. 

Jeeves delicately picked the cup up off the silver platter and placed it on a tea plate, which served as a coaster. 

Bertie stared at him, his mouth gaping open with the usual gitty smile on it. "Jeeves?" 

"Hm, yes, Sir?" 

"Well, I just felt a different.. err. Hm.. a different-" 

"Energy?" 

"Well, yes, energy! Your energy is more.. pepped! Has the Christmas spirit casted it's jolly shadow upon you?" 

Jeeves brushed his dapper, oiled hair with his finger ever so slightly and raised an eyebrow. "Well I suppose one could say that, Sir." His usual professional and slightly melancoly tone had shifted to a more, light hearted and joyful tone. 

"My, my, Jeeves! Look at you!" At this moment, Bertie noticed a subtle but noticeable metal mistletoe pinned to his over coat. Jeeves was never one to alter his usual uniform, but this addition to his coat made him look like Father Christmas' valet.

Bertie figured that that must make him Father Christmas. His pronounced jaw line raised as a large smile was plastered across his face to that thought.

It had been a while since Bertie encountered Jeeves in such a gay and carefree manner, it was rare occasions like this that Bertie ever saw Jeeves that way. Jeeves had tottered off to the kitchen to begin cooking Christmas dinner for the pair of them, leaving Bertie playing Christmas songs at the piano. 

—

I have knocked off a paragraph that I had written for this to make some sense. I apologise it's so short but may add to it in the near future and an official one be fully uploaded come Christmas Eve of 2019.


	3. Jeeves and the House Spider

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bertie encounters a rather large ‘house spider’.

"Jeeves!"

"Sir?" Slightly worried something had happened to Bertie, leaves his tea making to go and investigate what the fuss was about.

"Why is there a, a what do you call it in the bathtub?" Looks in the bath and notices a small spider on the side of the tub

"I believe that it's a common house spider, Sir."

"Common? House?"

"Indeed, Sir. They appear most frequently during the summer months in sheds, garages and woodpiles. Only in the September month do they appear, and occasionally mistake a house for a shed, in search of a mate. 

"But it's the size of my hand! Get rid of it jeeves!"

"Very good, Sir"


	4. I’m Sorry, Jeeves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Bertie breaks Jeeves' pocket watch and has to hide the evidence. - Ray Le Saux on Instagram.

"Sir?"

"Hello, Jeeves." Jeeves?! Jeeves wasn't due back from the metrop for another twenty minutes yet. My arms flew behind my back, the tiny pieces of glass and metal pocket watch dug into my palms. I let out a strained sort of laugh that sounded like a mouse that had just been caught by a cat, I sympathised with every mouse that had met its end in the cat's claws.

"Are you alright, Sir?"

Jeeves stepped forwards as I stepped backwards it was like a dance in some sense, a dance that one of its participants...let's see oh yes! The young master did not want to dance to, Jeeves however was all for this. This continued on until my behind came into contact with the grand piano.

"Lovely day for, uh, piano, what?" In all truthfulness London has been washed with rain for weeks, dampening everyone's spirits by trapping the poor souls inside for the whole week.

"Indeed, Sir." He paused giving me a rummy sort of look, "If I might enquire why you have you're hands behind your back?" 

I was done for, this was the end of Bertram Wilberforce Wooster, life finishing at the ripe old age of twenty-seven. All because the y. m. had broken his faithful valet's pocket watch. I'll have you know that it wasn't on purpose, no good man goes around deliberately breaking another's possessions, especially a Wooster!...That is unless forcefully told by one's aunts.

Anyhow the wretched thing had slipped it of my hand shattering into what seemed to be tons of tiny shards of broken trust. Jeeves had left it on the counter obviously checking the time whilst cooking to ensure everything was cooked to perfection. 

I grinned reluctant to tell him what had happened, although owing to the code I could not lie to the man, even if I wanted to. And never would if the code was in place, for you see it just wasn't a thing you did to Jeeves. 

Jeeves remained a few paces away from me before asking if I was 'quite alright, sir?' Of course I balmy wasn't! He knew this, nothing could escape Jeeves unless he was pretending he didn't know, which he did some of the time, the feudal spirit and all that. I nodded feeling trapped between the chesterfield and the grand piano. 

I thought back to the Wooster at Agincourt and brought the Wooster palms forward revealing the broken pocket-watch. His steel grey eyes stared into my pale hands his own expression remaining blank except perhaps his eyebrow raising ever so slightly. 

"I'm sorry Jeeves! I didn't mean to- it slipped!"

I swallowed, fearing for the moment he'd hand in his resignation and biff off altogether. This was the last straw, he wasn't on very good terms with me as of last week; when I purchased a fruit pair of purple socks as a pick-me-up. 

Jeeves' face remained unchanged the stuffed frog expression no where in sight and yet...and yet, he looked defensive and angry. I'd only seen Jeeves angry a handful of times weather it be defending himself or myself from remakes that haven't just 'slipped him by'.

He cleared his throat and I prepared for the worst moment of my life to come. 

"Very good, Sir"

"I understand that you want to resig- sorry, Jeeves?"

"I said, very good, Sir."

No, no, no, no, no. This was all wrong, he was supposed to be angry! Supposed to be handing in his resignation and yet he stops me dead in the tracks with three words 'Very good, Sir'. What am I supposed to bally well do with those? 

"I heard you correctly the first time Jeeves-"

"I'm sorry sir, I thought you had not heard me."

"Why are you not angry?" This takes the ballet biscuit!

"The watch was broken already, Sir. I had dropped it last week and in the sink prior my departure."

The jaw absolutely hit the floor, it changed a lot of things. 

"So you're not angry with me then Jeeves?"

"No sir."


	5. The case of profanities

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A lot of swearing...Ray Le Saux’s suggestion again.

"Good-evening, Mr. Wooster's residence." Jeeves had answered the phone, worry flooding him. Mr. Wooster has not returned home yet dread had already made itself home in his intelligent mind as he awaited the following response.

"Jeeves, it's Bingo. We need you to fetch Bertie, he's gotten a bit more than...sloshed...and is now shouting profanities.." Mr. Bingo Little trailer off feeling foolish for allowing Bertie to get himself so inebriated, he'd never seen his old friend like this before. 

A mixture of curse words followed down the line as relief and concern replaced Jeeves' previous feelings. He would've laughed but he could only imagine the state his young master was going to be in tomorrow.

The Valet quietly left Berkeley Mansions and speedily walked down Dover Street greeting the rather distressed butler at the door. "I apologise Mr. Georges," Jeeves gave an apologetic look to the elder man as he was guided into the drawing-room. 

He was greeted by Bertie almost immediately, his name was shouted and then followed by series of rude words "Jeeves! What the fuck is this?! Can you believe it, it's bloody ridiculous!" Jeeves followed the gaze of his masters and spotted what was upsetting the man. A purple handkerchief in the bin. 'Good riddance' he thought. 

The events happened as follows; The pair walked down Dover street toward Berkeley Mansions, Jeeves looking horrified when Bertie pointed out a dog that happened to be of the female species. "Look at that bitch Jeeves! Isn't she cute?" 

Jeeves had noticed Bertie leaning against him for support, he wasn't surprised. His master was completely out of it and beyond just simply 'sloshed' as Mr. Little had worded it. 

Bertie, however, his body had other plans as he tripped over his own feet bringing Jeeves down with him. A few more words as followed passed he Wooster lips unaware "Well, that was fucking shit." He faced Jeeves, a goofy smile plastered on his face. Jeeves looked more annoyed and angry than he had ever seen the man, even over socks. 

"Jeeves-us christ J, you look pissed off." 

"Really Sir? I had no idea. Please try to stand up." Red with embarrassment and annoyance the rest of the trip was made back to the flat in almost complete silence. The sound of Bertie stumbling and murmuring curse words were all that was heard down the street.

The pair finally made it back to the flat where Jeeves helped Bertie change and settle for bed. "Goodnight, Sir." Jeeves promptly left retiring to his own bed for the night. He was going to be ridiculed at the Junior Ganymede Club tomorrow. But first, sleep and then a restorative first thing for his master.


End file.
